I don’t know how to dance!

Since I finished my homework for the week at last, got some research in, I feel like I really have reclaimed my life. February (I know it isn’t over yet) as been a pretty bad month for me. I’ve been on pins and needles waiting to hear back from grad schools (nothing in either direction, and it’s been frustrating to say that when the few well-meaning people I’ve told I applied have asked). Schoolwork has been a bit overwhelming, partially because I’ve spent a lot of time in my lab. The stress has caused me not to sleep well. I’m trying to figure out what class I want to take next quarter; I already have figured out one, which is my thesis research credit. My bus pass was confiscated last Friday, because the transit authority accidentally disabled some of my school’s bus passes. In short, it has been rough.

And to top it all off, I had the dumbfounding discovery I don’t know how to dance. I mean that I do, but I spend so much time worrying about perfecting technique vs. letting loose that I find it rather hard to think up my own combos and choreography. I know that I’ve written about trying to choreograph. I think I attributed my issues to lack of inspiration in life or music, but I now think it has to do with the amount of time that I’ve spent doing drill-like stuff to get my technique down solid.

I think my concentration on technique stemmed from hearing people talk about Middle Eastern dancers wanting to dance and perform more than understanding technique, hence seeing sloppy dancers. I don’t want to be a sloppy dancer, so I’ve been working (not this month too much admittedly) on that. However, I think I’ve lost meaning or the big picture. Although clean technique is very important, having that emotional connection and not worrying about being perfect is so critical to Middle Eastern dance or performance in general. It is really what sets one dancer apart from another.

I also think the focusing on technique is about my time. It’s a lot easier to drill 30 hip drops on the right and 30 on the left than it is to think of a little combo incorporating that. There’s no originality in the former, whereas the latter requires more thought, like how to link move A to move B.

I am going to continue my technique drilling and such, but I’m going to work on feeling the music and combining moves. I also hope I have some happy news and less stress soon.

 

Waiting is the hardest part

Slowly around now, the joys and sorrows (acceptances and rejections) are coming in. Somewhere someone must have some weird sense of humor, because it is very easy to worry when you know decisions on the next 4+ years of your life are being decided but you have work to be completed. I would love to tell everyone I don’t worry, that it hasn’t somewhat affected me, but I also try not to lie. Thank goodness my midterm in EM is almost done and that the library is full of good sources for my paper (according to a fellow grad student).

*sigh. And it is very hard not to cave in and check repeatedly about schools. I already did , but I highly recommend you do not. The good news is that I haven’t been rejected, the bad news is I’m waiting.

 

Good news, Bad news

Bad News
I’m sick again. We went to Wicker Park a week or two ago (when the weather was nice but windy), and I think we just got sick from the rapidly changing weather and walking around outside in the wind. I have an earache, my nose is running like it’s in the Olympics, and my head aches.

Being sick also puts me a little behind in starting research. While I cannot do a lot (a syringe that’s needed to added the particles went missing in the mail), I could technically do something.

Good News
I finished my applications! A minor victory, since the infamous and nervewracking waiting game begins. Luckily, I think I’m going to enjoy my research and my schoolwork, so I have something to fill my time.

Additional good news is my research advisor is really awesome about me not being able to begin and Sonya is accepting new students for private lessons, so I can begin that.

 

Past, present, and future

I begin school again on January 5th. The reality hit me when I realized that I needed to order my textbook last night to ensure I receive it in time for class. I have to admit, I wouldn’t mind a little more break. It has been relaxing, even though I have been working on many things.

I am getting like everyone else and looking at everything around me. What I’ve done, what I need to do, and what the future has in store this year/quarter. Because I’m feeling a little short-sighted, I’vew been thinking about this break and how good it was to do so little. I originally wanted to choreograph, make costumes, etc., but I needed a break more than anything. I’m glad that I did that.

In terms of the present, I really must have my applications completed by the time school begins. Although I probably can complete them during the school year- why chance it? I’ve been steadily re-editing my personal statement, and that will be completed by today, at least the bulk of it. Although I enjoy writing, personal statements are not my forte. I’m so glad I began early with mine. I knew I would keep editing until the bitter end.

Another task at hand that I must complete is reading all 48 papers for my research/thesis. The ones from earlier times (1920s or so) were very tedious to read. Stylistically- I can’t figure out what, but they were difficult to read because of that. As the decades progress, the papers are much easier to read (and also more enjoyable). I have completed 12 of them so far and I would like to have completed all 48 by the time school begins. When I have had the time and motivation to read, I have read 4 papers or so in a sitting, so I’m optimistic that this will happen.

My TA schedule- I have to admit, I’m not looking forward to it. I suspect it will be easy (intro labs only this time), but I also prefer something new. Intro labs are a challenge, since many students are not interested in physics, but I feel like I have done a pretty decent job in motivating them to be vaguely interested. I like the labs this quarter, though, since they involve optics. I’m a sucker for light and color, and I think most people are, too.

What I look forward to most is beginning my research. I love doing research, and I am pretty excited about playing with equipment. Table top experiments are exciting, since you can actually see (on some level; you might need a microscope) what’s going on. They always seem more hands-on to me. I also have not worked on a table top experiment, except for labs (and I don’t regard those as experiments), so this is going to be a very new and exciting experience.

I hope the weather behaves itself from now on, though. It’s hard to be excited or motivated by much when it’s so cold out.

 

Viva Las Vegas

A few seconds ago, I just sent off my application to one of the schools (a Dec. 15 deadline, ouch). With that out of the way (and the worrying begins, along with the dash to finish off other apps), I need to pack for Vegas and get out of the cold Chicago weather!

Have a good weekend. I’ll be back on Tuesday.

 

Sometimes, you really do know you’re a dancer

When looking at grad schools, I have a list of priorities I want to keep in mind. Among those are that I want to be able to dance where I go next. I have been screening places not only by selectivity and where they are and what they offer but also by what kind of dance scene there is. It may seem shallow or like I have misplaced priorities, but a good deal of my happiness is reliant on dance and being happy means I’m more productive and learn more.

And hey, you have to have some fun criteria thrown in there

 

All better!

Allowing myself to heal was a great decision, since I am now better. Not 100% better (sniffling and coughing a bit), but better enough to practice dance a little, including turns and better enough to finally send out forms for recommendations to everyone.

Since I’m about halfway through break, I thought I’d update where I stand with my goals. I kept them short and sweet, since I was very exhausted with everything. I’m slowly but surely completing my grad apps. The “hard” part is over (besides the waiting), which is that I’ve written a personal statement. I have to edit it, but it is indeed complete. I have been attending my dance classes and even practicing real practices.

By tonight, my dance notebook should be complete. I’m really happy with it. I find that rewriting sloppy notes has helped me remember what I learned, even workshops that were a while ago.

Because of being sick and the apps, my research reading commences tonight. I look forward to it. I luckily have indeed organized my desk so it’s workable space. I wish I could do my reading at my office (it’s not as cozy, but that’s why I like reading there sometimes), but the building as far as I know is still under construction.

As for relaxation? I have done that, despite being sick. This Friday I leave for Vegas, which I hope will be more relaxing. In any case, it’ll be warmer there than it is here!

 

Sick again!

I woke up today with a sore throat and earache. Normally, getting sick of breaks is okay by me, since nothing is normally do. However, I had a whole day planned out of application work and research reading

Maybe this is a sign I should consider grad schools in areas that are warm year-round?

 

A bit of a change o’ hats

Now that the quarter is over, save for the obsessive grade checking, I find myself with more time to complete those goals I created at the beginning of the quarter and do some others. They are as follows:

1. Complete grad apps. That’s an imperative and not one of those goals I can just avoid
2. Go to dance class 2-3 times a week. Sonya is teaching drills and veil at Arabesque and I plan on continuing with Danielle in fusion. I look forward to going to Arabesque, because I haven’t done cabaret in about 3 months. I also have decided to practice way more and really practice, not just my short practices
3. Organize my permanent dance notebook. I have so many notes and handouts that I decided I need to create a master copy with everything nicely organized.
4. Work on research. Enough said.
5. Organize home workspace. I hopefully can complete that today or this week. My old apartment had these nice built-in shelves and a full length mirror where I could do my makeup. I can’t see the bathroom mirror here, so my desk is both my desk and my vanity. It is in desperate need of organization.
6. Relax! I haven’t tried bogging down my schedule because I do need to relax. To assist in that department, I am going to Vegas with my friend for a mini-vacation.

I hope this vacation is good. Does anyone have any exciting plans for vacation?

 

The end of the quarter and the beginning of finals

So finals are officially today. The last bunch of electronics students took their practical final yesterday. It didn’t go so well overall. It was a bit of a downer for me, since I wanted to see them succeed and I also got called mean. The reason is because I docked 40 points out 100 for setting up and explicitly explaining how to do the lab. How is that mean? I gave the kid everything imaginable, short of doing it myself. This was also the kid who has a history of lying with me (on late work), tried stealing my calculator in the beginning of the year, and then tried cheating on the practical with his friend in front of the professor. In 10 short weeks, it’s hard for me to not say it’s him and not me.

Overall, though, I’ll miss those kids. Very kind, very hard working. I’ll miss the kids in modern physics, too, but I’ll probably see them around more, since they are physics majors.

In terms of finals, I’m thisclose to finishing my final computational project. I stayed up pretty late last night working and woke up fairly early to work. Stuff like that is why I could never really be a computer programmer type; from what I understand and know about everyone in that field/major, they all do that frequently.

I’ve been writing my paper simultaneously with my program, so I hope to have that all done tonight as well as my presentation. The presentation is tomorrow evening, the paper and program are due Friday. I have one little thing to implement into my program, which I haven’t successfully been able to do. However, my program spits out really neat (and accurate!) Brownian motion graphs. The short version is particles take weird, random paths. That’s what you’re seeing in that graph; there are 200 particles and their trajectories in 3D for a few seconds. I think it’s pretty; to me, it looks like a ball of tangled yarn. The other graph is far less interesting (average displacement vs. time), but it appears to be fairly accurate.

I have homework due in computational, too , which is a shame. It’s tricky, so it look like from now until Friday, I will have to stay up late working. Oh well. Friday is my housewarming, which is a pretty exciting thing and then it’s Mardi Love workshop for two days, as well as working on my EM final.

I still hope to make the occasional appearance in this blog.