Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Here’s the highlights of what I’m thankful for from this past year:

1. Friends who came through for me when my father died and in general when my life crashed down. Even the little gestures like a phone call or message from someone I hadn’t talked to in awhile meant so much.
2. My job. Being unemployed is rotten for a myriad of reasons. Even if my job is challenging I am thankful that I have it.
3. Old professors. I keep in touch with them, and they mean so much to me. Though they can’t always help, their support is truly astounding.
4. My coworkers. My job is difficult but at least I have supportive coworkers who will at least commiserate with the challenges.

I guess what I’m most thankful for are the people I’ve had in my life this year who’ve helped make things easier on me.

 

I’ve moved

To a completely different apartment than the last one I had described. This one was simply a better deal. The apartment has more than enough space for me and three cats. I have a room I intend on using for a dance/yoga studio, which is nice. It’s plenty of room for veil. I’m also on ground floor, so if I resume to louder forms of dance (Flamenco, Odissi), noise won’t be much of a concern.

It is weird having my own space and having to maintain it after literally living out of a suitcase for the past 2 months or so. It is strange to be alone and only surrounded by cats. I don’t mind it necessarily, this is just s change. I feel like I’m slowly getting myself into a routine. I’m a fairly habitual person. I’m not so stuck in my ways that I won’t ever change, but I do appreciate consistency to some degree.

I will resume blogging more once I have better internet. I am currently using the town’s wireless internet (no contract, first month only 1 dollar), but it’s spotty.

 

Even more on job searching

I still haven’t heard anything in either direction on my TA job. I don’t want to hassle my boss, who has been a really fair and good person on this issue. It just sucks, because it is a holiday in the US, so I won’t see my boss until Tuesday.

In this economy, at least in the US, I’ve noticed that there is an almost death of the entry level job. I can see it in science, except maybe biology (I know very little biology and don’t know if the skills are advanced or something you pick up in lab easily). Physics jobs are demanding a lot of specific skills, where I’m honestly not sure where you would develop them, unless you were unfortunately laid off from another job.

I see it administrative positions, retail positions, and restaurant/cafe jobs, too. How does one catch a break? Seriously?

Back in 2006, I had searched really hard for a job. I don’t want to go over how many jobs I applied for. This market is definitely worse. I’m finding less in physics or science research, and what I am finding is very specialized. I have considered that I lost my pluck and am writing myself off before I give someone else the chance to. I don’t think that’s true, since I met a recent college graduate who has a degree in both electrical engineering and physics; he said there aren’t really any entry-level jobs in either field and what got him a job were connections.

I’m not above taking an admin job; I did that in 2006-2007 to pay the bills. It’s fine, honest work. However, I’m concerned I can’t even get that, with the demands that employers can make. With all the layoffs in the US, I genuinely believe that a fastfood joint could demand that the person making the fries is a PhD and would not only fill that job but also have it be fairly competitive.

Let’s hope that I can get something soon. With bills and three cats to provide for, I don’t really like having an unknown job future.

 

My first costume

People on Bhuz began reminiscing over their first costumes. Here is my story, which I also posted over there:

My first costume was handmade by me in Auckland, for a student show (my first one!)

I did a ruched halter-style bra in this dusty rose pink metallic fabric. I used pearl beads as an accent around the bottom and bronzy seed beads around the middle part of the bra.

The belt was similar fabric and had the pearl beads outlining the curved front and bottom. The sides were lace up with different colored ribbons. I think I went with blue, rose, and a golden color. I did that so I could allow for weight changes.

My skirt was a full circle slightly muted amethyst satin thing. In photos I later saw (I don’t have any, unfortunately), it made me look extremely hippy. I probably should’ve done a less full skirt.

It was a veil dance. I used a cream chiffon veil that I thought was a good idea to sequin all over. It didn’t look awful, but it would’ve moved better had I not sequined it.

I wish I still had that costume. I don’t think it would fit (the bra cups shrunk a bit during the sewing process), but I think I’d like to take a good chunk of it and remake the bra and belt set.

 

Burning out

I like to see how people find their way to my blog. Yesterday, one of the search terms was “burn out physics grad school”. Since I feel a little bad the person didn’t probably find what s/he was looking for and that it’s an important topic, I thought that I’d address it today.

So you’re burning out

Burning out happens to the best people sometimes in both physics and Middle Eastern dance. I don’t believe that it says anything about your work ethic, your abilities or intelligence, or anything else besides something isn’t working for your at that moment. If it’s a true burn out, I say finish up and then step away! By finish up, I mean finish the quarter/semester/year, whatever you think you can take. However, if you’re 2 years into a 6 year program, I’d consider taking a year off or so to refocus and regroup.

For me, when I’ve burned out, my productivity just dies. I’m probably not going to do well, and I almost certainly will not learn. Taking off a year between college and grad school was a good decision for me. I could concentrate on hobbies, relax, and think about what I want to do with myself. Physics, Middle Eastern dance, or whatever will most likely be around if you take a break. Perhaps you can still involve yourself in a lab lightly while you refocus and regroup. If you’re a burnt out dancer, you can still stay active in the community by helping out at events, participating in conversations online, or just being a good audience member.

Or perhaps you should take a full cut off break. A friend of mine I believe did that as an undergraduate. School wasn’t working for her, and I think she was a little burnt out. She took other classes and did other things. I think it was excellent for her. She did indeed go back to school, graduated, and went off to grad school.

Whoever says that you won’t go back if you take time off is wrong. I knew many people who took about 2 years or so off of school to gain work experience and enjoy life outside of school who went onto PhD, MD, JD, and other programs. One of the professors here took several breaks along her education. I think everyone is really happy with the decisions they made. I was, because I was out of school long enough to miss it and feel ready to return. I’ve also given myself breaks from dance in the same fashion, though not as long.

Don’t be afraid of doing what’s best for you. Sometimes, a break is all you need.

How to Prevent Burn Out

If you think you’re on the verge of burning out, walk away for a short time. Even if you’re in the midst of study for an exam, taking a break is always a good idea. You’re honestly in bad shape if you can’t afford to take an hour or two away from whatever it is your doing. Shower, eat, watch some TV, take a nap. Your focus will improve.

To further prevent burn out, invest in having a hobby or means of taking a break for your work. For me, it’s dance. I think it’s really important to have something distract yourself from work/school. Grad school is rough; lots of stuff can potentially be upsetting or frustrating. It’s important to have something to keep your mind off it, for at least a little while.

 

Applying for money (obligatory scholarship post)

Even though you’d definitely push deadlines, if you’re planning on being in higher education (either earning a bachelor’s or graduate degree), you may want look at scholarships/fellowships.

I forget if I mentioned it, but I was lucky enough to go to school for free. I received scholarship through Bill Gates foundation that covered my undergraduate and now graduate studies. Receiving help for my undergraduate degree was imperative, because no one saved money for me to go to college and no one would/could cosign a loan for me. At age 16, you have no credit and I believe every legitimate place will require another person to sign with you. Even as a grad student, this scholarship has been extremely helpful. I receive a small stipend as a grad student, but because of having scholarship money, I can live much more comfortably.

The scholarship that I received was a Gates Millennium Scholarship which is for minorities in the US who qualify for a Pell Grant. You have to do some paperwork and write some essays obviously and get recs, but if you qualify, I’d apply. The app is due 12 January. Like I said, you are close to the deadline, but I was too when I applied. I wouldn’t make a habit of doing things last minute (it’s rude and just bad form in general), but people are more willing to help than you realize.

If you don’t qualify for that scholarship, I encourage you to look at other scholarships. Local organizations run scholarships as well as national organizations. Stop by a career center at your college or high school or ask other people (teachers or professors) to find out. A simple internet search should also point you in the right direction, but also use your better judgment when it comes to anything on the internet (seen a lot of shady dance contests).

I can’t guarantee that you’ll receive anything. I wasn’t convinced that I’d receive anything myself when I was 16 and applying. I did very well in high school, but I wasn’t valedictorian or salutatorian. I don’t know how they select people for scholarships anywhere. However, I do totally  believe that you should try, even for one time deals. Some people I knew at my high school walked away with $1000 for scholarships ran by the high school. It may not seem like a lot, but every dollar when you’re broke counts.

Good luck!

 

One year in Chicago

Today marks the end of summer school and my one year anniversary of moving to Chicago. One year ago today, I was at Logan airport or maybe in the sky with my cat. Things have definitely changed for me in many ways.

Grad School- Starting grad school was difficult for me. There’s the sheer idea of strictly studying physics (I always took roughly half my classes in the humanities and arts), the intensity of quarter system (I was quite used to semester system), in class exams (all of my undergraduate exams were take-homes), and being out of a single sex environment (it does feel odd being in a predominantly male environment, though this is closer to a “real” physics environment). I had some personal problems that were unexpected (namely, my father almost died back on the East coast from an undetected heart problem). I knew no one here when I moved, which further complicated  my situation. I am always amazed at how much of an impact one’s personal life can have on the experience. Things felt like they came together spring quarter and I’m happy to say they still do. I look forward to this next year, and I sincerely hope that it will not have so many problems as the last. I feel like I have found a place here, which for me,  is very important.

TAing- As I mentioned in the previous entry, before last year, I had never taught before. All my work during my undergraduate years was either research or misc. spot jobs. Teaching scared me a little. I worried about failing at it and letting others down. My personal life did affect me a little, but again, I feel like have come into my own and am comfortable. This summer was good for me, because I not only further developed my teaching skills, but I also developed some confidence, which was critical for me to be success. I feel good about the work I did this summer. It wasn’t perfect and as anything, could use improvement, but I feel like I can effectively teach. Anything from watching students start off shy and unsure and become confident in their knowledge or apathy disappear feels like a success. Even though I’m not the only TA for this, nor am I the professor, I think I did impact the students positively.

Dance classes- My dance classes have been a mix of good and bad. The worst thing I can honestly say is I’m disappointed I haven’t been able to continue Odissi. I really loved going to Neena Gulati’s every Saturday in Boston for classes. Odissi feels wonderful to me, and I love its graceful, flowing style. Many Middle Eastern fusion dancers study some Indian dance for fusion; I study it for the sake of studying it. I would’ve been fine for Bharatanatyam here, but alas, nothing has worked out. I’m keeping my eyes peeled but I’m not sure. I do think the Javanese will be a nice complement to Middle Eastern dance, as well as being mentally good for me, but I don’t know how passionate I am about it.

The Middle Eastern dance here has been wonderful. My dance teachers have been wonderful for that and on a personal level, I really needed that outlet many times (I recommend most people in grad school have some kind of hobby like that to default to; I think it’s healthy). I’m really lucky to study under the people I do. I feel like my technique is becoming stronger, and I’m getting better ideas of what I need to do to get to where I want to go.

 

Sitting here at the computer, I still am amazed about how much has changed in a year. It really doesn’t seem like that long ago I had arrived here with only a suitcase, my computer, and my cat. Chicago doesn’t really feel like home to me, but it definitely feels much more familiar and comfortable after a year.

 

Dance Birthday :)

My dance birthday actually was in June, but I’ve been reading about people “celebrating” theirs and reminiscing over their dance lives. I already wrote about my beginnings in my ‘About Me’ section, albeit brief.

I’d love to say I’m one of those dance wunderkinds who danced her/his way out of the womb and onto the stage, but I’m not. I took ballet and tap when I was a little kid and then quit it. I wasn’t anything special at it. I went onto violin for a while, and I eventually quit that to devote time to running a bunch of clubs at school. If you saw Rushmore, I was like Max Fischer, except a girl and much better grades.

If you ask anyone who knew me prior to the dance years, it is surprising to them. That’s one of the things I love about the kinds of dance I do: they attract all sorts of people.

I think I’ve grown a lot as a dancer since I began (2003, with lessons on and off according to my schedule). My technique is stronger, though there is always something to work on. I’ve done some bad fusion that I’m thankful I don’t have on tape (though it was performed for a small audience), but I’ve also done some performances I am proud of.

In 2005, I started Bharatanatyam, which was life changing in a lot of ways. I started it basically because I didn’t know how to spend my time in Lansing, MI. I didn’t know anyone and wanted something to do beyond the 9-5 of my internship. I discovered yet another dance form I could do excel in. It was so different from what I was used to but so much fun and interesting.

Along the way, I met a lot of amazing people people, students and dancers. Dance has helped me mend a broken heart or two along the way, have epiphanies in class regarding my life, and makes me feel good. I also am in very good shape now . It certainly isn’t easy.

I’ve been doing this for the past 5 years or 3 years for Indian dance, on and off. I look forward to where the next year takes me in dance.